Forgiveness is so hard, its about the most difficult thing on earth; I never knew how difficult it is. I use to be damn judgemental n crazy about people for being unforgiven. Forgiveness hmmmm. How to deal with the forget part is a different ball game entirely....



How do I let it go? The crazy thing about being unforgiven is how we punish our own soul as they say for others mistakes. How do I let it go? It feels like the pain won't go away. I want to move past this monster called pain. Its there. Its In my heart it stares @me. It goes everywhere with me. Sometimes it gets better but that's if nothing triggers it.

Everyone says let it go yeah I wanna let it go, move past it yeah I wanna move past it, go off the meds yeah I wanna go off the meds but how do I? Everyone says think about the beautiful things and people around you yeah I am but sadly they have been unable to make me forgive let alone forget.

I want the tears to stop I want to stop indulging in self pity I want to bring peace and solace to my self and loved ones; I totally forgot how it feels like to be happy.....everyone calls me strong, they all say I'm a super woman but I think I'm the weakest person on earth. I find strength from talking to loved ones. Lie in bed is all I want to do; I go to work and all I look forward to is get home n lock myself in.....

Ironically it is so easy for me to fix people but it has been the most difficult thing for me to fix my own self. Why is the world so cruel? I'm being judged for being so kind I'm bin judged for putting people first I'm being judged for being selfless.

First blog ever.